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[Fic] Naruto: Sakura + Sasuke/Naruto: It's Not Fair!
It’s Not Fair. Or, How Kakashi Ruined Canon
Pairing: SasukexNaruto; Sakuraxeither one-sided, mild Kakusaku if squint
Summary: Post-manga. Sakura thinks it’s their teachers’ fault she and Naruto, or she and Sasuke-kun…um, anyway, it’s their fault her love (whoever it is) will never be. Crack. And Sasunaru/Narusasu. Which IS crack.
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Looking back, Sakura realized it might have been Kakashi-sensei’s fault Naruto was so… “asexual.” Or rather, that Naruto’s mind had become so full of male and female that he simply began not to care about anything…that Jiraiya and Kakashi-sensei desensitized him to anything else hormonally provoking other than getting his best friend back…
…yes, this probably led to her current situation.
Cue the necessary flashback, which seeing it now, had Sakura smacking herself for not putting it together:
“I think I could live with a gimp if it was Sasuke.” Naruto said honestly, leaning back against the fence.
“Really?” Sakura blinked at him over her arms.
Never mind how the conversation began, or how it led, exactly, to how someone with a bad leg would affect their relationship with someone; but Naruto was such a homophobe he went into fetal position when Sai capped past his three-a-day usage of ‘penis.’
And yet he didn’t understand the innuendo of half of what came out of his mouth.
“Yeah!” Naruto nodded, pouting his lip and folding his arms in an unconscious, childish determination.
Sakura smiled at his unrelenting heart.
“Then he won’t be able to run away again!”
Oh jeez. Sakura looked away with a flat look, thinking ‘ Here we go again…’
“Don’t worry Sakura-chan—we’ll get him back, believe it! See, next time I’ll pound his stupid condescending ass into the ground the right way, and then this time it will work because blahblah blahblahblah…”
Really, when did she start to like Naruto? Such a question boggled Sakura’s mind at moments like these. She was either struck with an insane urge to punch him or kiss him, and bother were just to get him to shut up. How could she like Naruto?
And Sasuke-kun, come to think of it? Was she really so indecisive about what she wanted in a man?
“Blah Blaaaahhh…And then I will be Hokage and be able to order him around ALL DAY LONG!” Uzamaki Naruto’s triumphant laugh was broken off it its middle as his body was slammed into the ground by a massive weight.
“Naruto!” Sakura cried out.
“Nygghh…” Naruto coughed out dirt, craning his head around to look at the weight on his back that was…Kakashi sitting on him reading Icha Icha?
“Uh. Kakashi-sensei?” Sakura blinked.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing!”
“Yo,” Kakashi greeted shortly, not looking up from his page until he turned it, after which he smiled at Sakura affectionately, and she finger-waved at him. Then his one revealed eye swiveled down at Naruto mildly as Naruto continued to foam at the mouth at him to get off like he was suprised to find him there. “Why aren’t you at the training grounds working on your concealment jutsu with Jiraiya?”
“Because all that pervy sage wants to do is use it to look at naked women in the bathhouse!” Naruto snapped loudly as Kakashi sighed. “It’s getting really boring!”
Kakashi froze in mid ‘why me’, and Naruto blinked as his silver-haired teacher (all of which had been declared Naruto's fault) looked down at him from his book like Naruto had slapped him. “Wha-What did you say?” he asked in a fearful voice.
“Uh…” Naruto leaned his cheek deeper to the ground in a futile effort to get away from Kakashi’s wide eye. But it was a magnet and too terrifying to do. “Er…” He narrowed his eyes and charged right back. “You’ve been showing me naked women since I was thirteen! Every fucking day! And, um, honestly, it’s all looking the same now, and…annoying…and…” Naruto drifted off at Kakashi’s face and Sakura blinked. Kakashi’s eye was sad, pooling with tears. With shaking hands he reached for Naruto’s face like a distraught father, ignoring the squirming ‘what are you doing!’ protests. “N-Naruto…”
Naruto swallowed, waiting.
“I’M SO SORRY!” Kakashi wailed, clutching a ‘what the fuck?!’ expressioned Naruto to his chest, rocking him back and forth. “OH NARUTOOOO!”
“Get offa me you flaming rainbow!” Naruto shoved him furiously, trying to reach for Sakura’s laughing, pointing hand, but Kakashi only continued to nuzzle him, sobbing for the loss of his dear student’s experience of ‘true manhood.’ Naruto fought to explain himself.
“Look if you give me Konohamaru’s jutsu I’m gonna like it, cos damn that’s hot! I mean, Sakura-chan I…! But it’s just…WILL LET ME GO YOU PERVERT?!”
This cannot be…
(my best friend, my teacher)
my life… Sakura thought, albeit resignedly as she turned away, sighing as Naruto was apologizing to her profusely and trying to kill a wailing Kakashi at the same time.
But yes, actually, someone up there must hate her for her past transgressions of a million former lives, because this was her life.
Yes, Naruto had finally brought Sasuke-kun back, but only because Sasuke-kun was bringing him back because the stupid blond had almost died on him and no one dared say anything while Sasuke-kun carried him on his back for fear the Uchiha (and his Hebi Team of crazies) would kill them all.
Yes, just like all those months ago, almost a year, when Naruto began to drop hints he himself didn’t understand, Sakura had that same, flat expression on her face now, as she stood in the doorway to Naruto’s apartment with a get well basket in her hands from her and Kakashi-sensei (who was really nicely…less aloof about talking to her lately). But this time she didn’t even bother to resignedly sigh at her life. No, she only stared. And Naruto and Sasuke-kun stared back at her.
From the floor.
Naked.
They stared at her. She stared at them. Naruto opened his mouth to say something, but Sasuke-kun reached up and slapped his hand over his mouth to prevent him, and they all just stared some more.
At least…there was a bed sheet covering them. Then this would have been REALLY…ohhhh god…
Then Sakura just blinked as if finishing her thoughts with a less than sane, conclusive nod, as if Sasuke-kun and Naruto had just taught her a mildly complicated jutsu (oh GOD…), and then she turned and shut the door and ran faster and faster with a silly smile on her face to stop from crying. Or laughing. She wasn’t really sure which; all she knew was what her mother would do, and that was make tea.
Hehe, she giggled. Tea. After finding out your two first crushes can’t be without because…
She ran faster.
Was this why Kakashi-sensei was in such a good mood?
She giggled louder.
Must.
Make.
Tea.
Several hours after which, in the ominous light of the moon, the begging screams of two grown men, one who just might only have one visible eye, and the other with porcupine head, could be heard interrupted from their drinking at the bar as a shrill woman seemed determined to kill them for ruining her canon and otherwise happy ending. Two legendary ninja might be dead by morning, but at least Tsunade would finally be able to get the council to agree that the roads needed to be repaved, what with the huge craters making it hard to walk down the street in the morning that looked suspiciously like imprints of Kakashi and Jiraiya’s bodies.
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Kakashi does have reason to be cheerful--yay, Sakura won't be with his possessed student or his traumatized one! More for him! <3 (xD) And technically she's been legal since fourteen (age of consent in Japan).... once he's out of the hospital, in my head, he'll be as happy as a clam to have her violentness all to himself.
*haha, I had Naruto on top…but Sasuke is still clearly the dominant one. xD Don’t worry, Sakura didn’t really kill Kakashi-sensei or Ero-sennin, but like Naruto said ‘she’s gotten even more violent,’ and Jiraiya said she was a second Tsunade…and Tsunade brought Jiraiya the closest he’d ever been to death. Well, just in case he forgot what it was like, he got a refresher! :D
Sakura: Shanaroooo!!
Stupid Naruto series, ruining my Yugioh writing *grumble grumble*
Pairing: SasukexNaruto; Sakuraxeither one-sided, mild Kakusaku if squint
Summary: Post-manga. Sakura thinks it’s their teachers’ fault she and Naruto, or she and Sasuke-kun…um, anyway, it’s their fault her love (whoever it is) will never be. Crack. And Sasunaru/Narusasu. Which IS crack.
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Looking back, Sakura realized it might have been Kakashi-sensei’s fault Naruto was so… “asexual.” Or rather, that Naruto’s mind had become so full of male and female that he simply began not to care about anything…that Jiraiya and Kakashi-sensei desensitized him to anything else hormonally provoking other than getting his best friend back…
…yes, this probably led to her current situation.
Cue the necessary flashback, which seeing it now, had Sakura smacking herself for not putting it together:
“I think I could live with a gimp if it was Sasuke.” Naruto said honestly, leaning back against the fence.
“Really?” Sakura blinked at him over her arms.
Never mind how the conversation began, or how it led, exactly, to how someone with a bad leg would affect their relationship with someone; but Naruto was such a homophobe he went into fetal position when Sai capped past his three-a-day usage of ‘penis.’
And yet he didn’t understand the innuendo of half of what came out of his mouth.
“Yeah!” Naruto nodded, pouting his lip and folding his arms in an unconscious, childish determination.
Sakura smiled at his unrelenting heart.
“Then he won’t be able to run away again!”
Oh jeez. Sakura looked away with a flat look, thinking ‘ Here we go again…’
“Don’t worry Sakura-chan—we’ll get him back, believe it! See, next time I’ll pound his stupid condescending ass into the ground the right way, and then this time it will work because blahblah blahblahblah…”
Really, when did she start to like Naruto? Such a question boggled Sakura’s mind at moments like these. She was either struck with an insane urge to punch him or kiss him, and bother were just to get him to shut up. How could she like Naruto?
And Sasuke-kun, come to think of it? Was she really so indecisive about what she wanted in a man?
“Blah Blaaaahhh…And then I will be Hokage and be able to order him around ALL DAY LONG!” Uzamaki Naruto’s triumphant laugh was broken off it its middle as his body was slammed into the ground by a massive weight.
“Naruto!” Sakura cried out.
“Nygghh…” Naruto coughed out dirt, craning his head around to look at the weight on his back that was…Kakashi sitting on him reading Icha Icha?
“Uh. Kakashi-sensei?” Sakura blinked.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing!”
“Yo,” Kakashi greeted shortly, not looking up from his page until he turned it, after which he smiled at Sakura affectionately, and she finger-waved at him. Then his one revealed eye swiveled down at Naruto mildly as Naruto continued to foam at the mouth at him to get off like he was suprised to find him there. “Why aren’t you at the training grounds working on your concealment jutsu with Jiraiya?”
“Because all that pervy sage wants to do is use it to look at naked women in the bathhouse!” Naruto snapped loudly as Kakashi sighed. “It’s getting really boring!”
Kakashi froze in mid ‘why me’, and Naruto blinked as his silver-haired teacher (all of which had been declared Naruto's fault) looked down at him from his book like Naruto had slapped him. “Wha-What did you say?” he asked in a fearful voice.
“Uh…” Naruto leaned his cheek deeper to the ground in a futile effort to get away from Kakashi’s wide eye. But it was a magnet and too terrifying to do. “Er…” He narrowed his eyes and charged right back. “You’ve been showing me naked women since I was thirteen! Every fucking day! And, um, honestly, it’s all looking the same now, and…annoying…and…” Naruto drifted off at Kakashi’s face and Sakura blinked. Kakashi’s eye was sad, pooling with tears. With shaking hands he reached for Naruto’s face like a distraught father, ignoring the squirming ‘what are you doing!’ protests. “N-Naruto…”
Naruto swallowed, waiting.
“I’M SO SORRY!” Kakashi wailed, clutching a ‘what the fuck?!’ expressioned Naruto to his chest, rocking him back and forth. “OH NARUTOOOO!”
“Get offa me you flaming rainbow!” Naruto shoved him furiously, trying to reach for Sakura’s laughing, pointing hand, but Kakashi only continued to nuzzle him, sobbing for the loss of his dear student’s experience of ‘true manhood.’ Naruto fought to explain himself.
“Look if you give me Konohamaru’s jutsu I’m gonna like it, cos damn that’s hot! I mean, Sakura-chan I…! But it’s just…WILL LET ME GO YOU PERVERT?!”
This cannot be…
(my best friend, my teacher)
my life… Sakura thought, albeit resignedly as she turned away, sighing as Naruto was apologizing to her profusely and trying to kill a wailing Kakashi at the same time.
But yes, actually, someone up there must hate her for her past transgressions of a million former lives, because this was her life.
Yes, Naruto had finally brought Sasuke-kun back, but only because Sasuke-kun was bringing him back because the stupid blond had almost died on him and no one dared say anything while Sasuke-kun carried him on his back for fear the Uchiha (and his Hebi Team of crazies) would kill them all.
Yes, just like all those months ago, almost a year, when Naruto began to drop hints he himself didn’t understand, Sakura had that same, flat expression on her face now, as she stood in the doorway to Naruto’s apartment with a get well basket in her hands from her and Kakashi-sensei (who was really nicely…less aloof about talking to her lately). But this time she didn’t even bother to resignedly sigh at her life. No, she only stared. And Naruto and Sasuke-kun stared back at her.
From the floor.
Naked.
They stared at her. She stared at them. Naruto opened his mouth to say something, but Sasuke-kun reached up and slapped his hand over his mouth to prevent him, and they all just stared some more.
At least…there was a bed sheet covering them. Then this would have been REALLY…ohhhh god…
Then Sakura just blinked as if finishing her thoughts with a less than sane, conclusive nod, as if Sasuke-kun and Naruto had just taught her a mildly complicated jutsu (oh GOD…), and then she turned and shut the door and ran faster and faster with a silly smile on her face to stop from crying. Or laughing. She wasn’t really sure which; all she knew was what her mother would do, and that was make tea.
Hehe, she giggled. Tea. After finding out your two first crushes can’t be without because…
She ran faster.
Was this why Kakashi-sensei was in such a good mood?
She giggled louder.
Must.
Make.
Tea.
Several hours after which, in the ominous light of the moon, the begging screams of two grown men, one who just might only have one visible eye, and the other with porcupine head, could be heard interrupted from their drinking at the bar as a shrill woman seemed determined to kill them for ruining her canon and otherwise happy ending. Two legendary ninja might be dead by morning, but at least Tsunade would finally be able to get the council to agree that the roads needed to be repaved, what with the huge craters making it hard to walk down the street in the morning that looked suspiciously like imprints of Kakashi and Jiraiya’s bodies.
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Kakashi does have reason to be cheerful--yay, Sakura won't be with his possessed student or his traumatized one! More for him! <3 (xD) And technically she's been legal since fourteen (age of consent in Japan).... once he's out of the hospital, in my head, he'll be as happy as a clam to have her violentness all to himself.
*haha, I had Naruto on top…but Sasuke is still clearly the dominant one. xD Don’t worry, Sakura didn’t really kill Kakashi-sensei or Ero-sennin, but like Naruto said ‘she’s gotten even more violent,’ and Jiraiya said she was a second Tsunade…and Tsunade brought Jiraiya the closest he’d ever been to death. Well, just in case he forgot what it was like, he got a refresher! :D
Sakura: Shanaroooo!!
Stupid Naruto series, ruining my Yugioh writing *grumble grumble*
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Oh, and not to be rude, but it says Naruto was apologizing profusing instead of profusely.
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must change...
(*blushes at compliment* thank you so, so much! and for commenting!)
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This was amazing :D When Kakashi cried over Naruto... :D
Nah, really, you are definately among my favourites now ;)
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This was really well done. ^__^
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i'm so glad you liked this. ;)
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I literally screamed with laughter at that line, but I was laughing all the way through. Awesome.
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I'm not an uber super awesome Naruto fan, but I love your writing, so yes, that was fun ^___^
*blush blush blush*
i just finished balling my eyes out watching bridge to terabithia/pan's labyrinth...and then i read the next chapter of TBT... please tell me the bakurae are all right--I CAN'T TAKE MORE DEATH! *fetal position* wait, what am i talking about, bakura is gonna go all 'oh you DI'IN'T' and they'll scream and ryou will sigh and
then yami will get have his bad way with yuugi(yuugi: what?) and...i'm ahead of myself... xDRe: *blush blush blush*
thedarksideYGO is always waiting for you to come back and abusive it's gaybois. lol.Bridge to Terabithia killed me too *sniffles* why?!?!?! Why did they have to do that!?. Bakura...... well... he'll be something alright ^___^
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