[Fic] Naruto: Sai/Sakura: Advanced Theory

[llivla]

Title: Sexual Frustration
Warnings: post-manga; one-shot, less than 1500 words
Summary: PWP. After that fun time of almost getting killed by Akatsuki, and the even funner present with Team Hebi in Konoha, Sakura get's jeal--angry, when the girl at the ramen stand hits on Naruto. There is an unsympathetic voice laughing in the background with his completely unhelpful Freudian diagnosis. Sakura has one of her own: punching the crap out of it. Implied SaixSakura

"So there Naruto and I were, at Ichiraku's.

"I know, big surprise right? And yes, he tried to call it a date but I just didn't say anything, because he looks so sweet like that. Anyway, that girl at the ramen stand, Umechi or whatever...

"No. You are hearing things. I did NOT just growl.

"...I can't explain it. Well, yes I can. You see, she started...flirting. As in, with Naruto. I'm a girl, I know these things when I see it. And it was just wrong, so incredibly wrong because it's Naruto and she was smiling at him and he was stupidly smiling back at her because he's just that stupidly thick or just in denial that someone could like him, and I don't know why I suddenly...

"It was ridiculous because Naruto's never going to like another girl other than me because he's just really simple-minded like that; and he's never going to be as a obsessive with anything as he is saving Sasuke-kun, but..."

"I just..." she tried to find the right words, but it was difficult. "I wanted to stab her. And not just once with a kunai. Like, a thousand different times with a thousand nice and sharp pretty kunai until she looked like a slice of that one kind of cheese I can never remember..."

"I don't like it when Naruto tries to ask me out on a date, but I can't stand it when other girls notice that Naruto is good-looking. It's driving me crazy to the point I can't think properly and I'm just so...angry about it. What's up with that?"

Ugh. This was so stupid. She sounded like a one-dimensional twat from one of Jiraiya's trashy novels she snagged after finally knocking out Kakashi-sensei when he mistakenly said she hit well for a girl the other week. Hn, obviously seeing her in action still hadn’t let anything sink in yet!

A sword plunged from a point too fast for her to see. She spun, and felt her back nerves shiver as it sensed the metal missing her by small centimeters. Another came at her and she jumped, using the chakra in her legs to attach to a tree trunk. When another blade came at her, she used it when it tried to follow her going through the tree. As the trunk snapped in half, she pushed off, dodging three more, and then caught the upper half of the tree and swung it like a bat a the offending objects. Discarding it, she watched the dust settle, and then met Sai's waiting, challenging eyes among the splatters of ink from his destroyed jutsus.

She liked sparring with Sai because unlike Kakashi-sensei or Naruto, Sai wasn't so innocently prejudiced (or nice enough) to hesitate in trying to beat the shit out of a girl. And she had so much pent up, agitated energy lately she didn't think she could stand it any longer.

He gracefully lashed out a series of bug paintings that made her girly side go squick (and he knew it too).

 

"That's easy," Sai said, "You're sexually frustrated."

She somehow flew past all of them and nailed him right in the face. "What was that!?"

She was the strongest woman he'd ever met, even in Root, he reflected, rubbing his throbbing jaw. "Well, now we now how to get you moving," Sai muttered, lowering his hand as he picked himself up. "But you have to admit it's a little sad."

She narrowed her eyes. "I've had sex."

He looked at her with blank curiosity. "With Naruto?"

She went red. "No!"

"But...you don't talk to anyone else. You're a loser."

She tried to punch him again, but he was ready this time and only laughed as he dodged it.

"You're showing all the signs," Sai said behind her with his cheerful amusement. Growling, she intercepted the blow he was going to deliver to her head and used that arm to slam him on his back in front of her.

"Like what?"

"Well, for one..." The real Sai pushed up the hairs on the back of her neck with a kunai poised with his other hand, and the she realized the object she thought she'd bested was only an illusion. She also had flashbacks of watching Naruto fighting Kakashi-sensei.

But better, because she was being targeted instead of watching.

Sai continued in his textbook drone, "All this reckless energy, it's repressed, unreleased sexual frustration. You don't want Naruto because he isn't your imaginary Sasuke-kun, but you don't want him with anyone else and it kills you. You're like a firecracker ready to explode. I read it in a book once on how to deal with ugly violent women of Spartan muscle."

She delivered all her chakra to the back of her neck and slammed backwards, the force of her suddenly steel skin knocking Sai's wrist away with the kunai and she spun to try delivering a punch. She grunted as his leg swept at her left and she nearly wiped out.

"You think I'm in love with Naruto?" She said disconnectedly as she sought to land one at his gut. Or his crotch, she thought. She wasn't really all that picky.

"Ha ha! No, no..." Sai tilted his head with that stupid smile of his, "I think you're jealous and don't want him to get any nookie when you can't. Especially with the Uchiha."

She finally nailed him in the face again. "Pervert! God you're as bad as Kakashi-sensei or Jiraiya." And she didn't want to think about Sasuke-kun brushing her off. Again.

 

Although at least he was gentler about it now (by not calling her annoying, he only said that to that psychotic maniac with the red hair and bitchy attitude), and was actually quite more respectful since he saw her shatter Swamp Thing's jaw, and make the MPD cry, after he called Naruto an animal when their paths crossed against Akatsuki.

Still… she continued to fume in what was NOT sexual frustration that Sasuke-kun STILL did not want her, …and Naruto only thought he did. Especially since those two demanded too much from each other to keep Sakura sane in their presence for very long these days anyway.

 

She grinned triumphantly at the sight of Sai a yard in front of her as the dust settled.

"What is it with you and punching my face?" Sai wiped a bit of blood off his mouth with the back of his hand.

"I'm aiming for your mouth! Then you won't be able to cause anymore damage with it."

"You've been punching Naruto's mouth for years," Sai pointed out, "Clearly the approach doesn't produce your desired results."

She couldn't think of anything to say to that so she just settled to redoubling her efforts at pounding his condescending ass into the ground. "Whoa," Sai said as she landed one on a tree.

 

"Have some expression of threat when I'm hurting you!"

"Hag, I don't have time." He ducked a swing she sent at his head, and then the one she swung with her other arm at his side as she slowly was pushing him back towards the trees.

"You might need to get insurance for me," Sakura panted out smugly as she swiped. Then there was a spike of pain in her middle before the wind was knocked out her and she was flat on her stomach, eyes shut more in frustration at herself than in pain.

"I have insurance," Sai shot back somewhere above her, "It's called common sense, like leaving your front open. You don't do it."

"I'm...going to rearrange your pretty face," she grunted, trying to ignore the tight pain in her stomach where he kicked her.

"...You think my face is pretty?"

"Because it looks like Sasuke-kun's."

She heard him sigh dejectedly and saw her chance. She swung a chakra-focused leg out and knocked him down on his back with a surprised cry.

Ha...

She panted heavily and was quite pleased that, next to her, his emotionless face was showing signs of fatigue as well. "Mercy?" She managed out. She was so exhausted she couldn't even...

"To an ugly hag like you?"

...

...

She drove her fist down like a hammer into his core, but he twisted the necessary inches away and there was a hand-span indent in the ground instead of in his vital organs.

Instead of shuddering or smiling affectionately like Naruto or gaping in surprise like Kakashi-sensei, Sai only laughed as if it were completely natural. Surprising yes, but not unusual. Expected expectation from his opponent.

Sai sat up and gazed at a point off in the distance while they cooled off. "I'm glad I could help you with your sexual frustration."

"I am not sexually frustrated."

"Anymore."

You fight like Sasuke-kun and Naruto. Ino had said that of her and Sai when she came into the tea house a little battered.

She looked at Sai, thinking, Just now, with Sai..

This was how I wanted them to fight me...

She turned onto her back and looked up at the sky with him, a relaxed smile tugging. "I do feel better after beating you up."

He poked her with his jutsu brush. "I love you too, hag."